DG 網站誤導有 iphone 賣 — 澄清啟示文法不知所謂

15 6 月, 2008

在早前說了有關 iphone 的資料之後,發覺在 DG Lifestyle Store 網站上可以訂購,於是馬上 click 了兩部,雖然價錢未定,但都無蝕底,點都登記左先!

網站:http://www.designergroup.com.hk/newDG/home/home_hk.php

過了數個小時(我相信其間應該發生了點事),他們發了一個電郵給我,說要澄清他們沒有 iphone 賣。

這已令我奇怪,明明有得訂閱,model 我都揀左 16GB 白色,但過了數個小時竟然有此啟示,真是莫明奇妙。

我唔係好明佢地之前既 gesture 係乜意思,但可能中間有人(如和記,Apple)要他即時閉閉,而且要發出澄清啟示。

更奇怪既係,佢呢篇文章文法全部錯誤,我都唔係好明,只能就佢地既內文去估。

原文如下:

Dear Customer,

We would like to give our sincere thanks for all your support.

Recently we have find some misleading information on our website above the iPhone 3G, although we are as eager as you to sell the new iPhone 3G in Hong Kong, however, we are the same as you all, we have not receive information on the launching date of the iPhone 3G in Hong Kong as well the distribution channel in HK.

The main purpose of the iPhone page is to show the specification to our website visitors, so they have more ideas on the newly released iPhone 3G.

It purpose is to let our members to leave down the contacts, and their desired model so that we can understand them and serve them better.

We wish this will not mis-lead all users on DG Being a reseller on iPhone 3G.

Although Apple announced it will be available in Hong Kong on 11/Jul/2008. Pricing and buying details are not being announced yet. So stay tune on this page, and we will continue to share the latest information with our valuable customers.

Yours Sincerely,
DG LifeStyle Store

我唔明咁大間公司,點解寫幾段英文都寫到錯哂,我諗要俾蕭 Sir 睇過先得。

呢篇真係一篇好好既教材。我心諗:我睇風水紫微斗數都唔駛用英文啦,但我可以好肯定,要我寫,我一定寫得好佢好多。

等我講下佢呢篇澄清啟示有乜錯。

"We would like to give our sincere thanks for all your support."

"for all your support" 既 "all" 唔駛用,太過重覆,睇到都煩。語言行文就係要表達簡單,用 "for your support" 咪幾好。support 係無分 "痾" 同 "唔痾" 的。

"Recently we have find some misleading information on our website above the iPhone 3G, "

嘩有無攪錯呀, 小學三年班都知道係用 "have found" 呢個 present perfect tense 啦, 即係寫呢篇文既人, 小三程度都無.

第二, 用個 "above" 係咪有D病呢? 我睇左好奈, 都係唔明佢講乜, 拉尾估估下, 先知佢係想用 "about".

"although we are as eager as you to sell the new iPhone 3G in Hong Kong,"

"although" 點用細草? 前面應該係 full stop 然後用大草呀. 前文後理完全唔通順. 呢句係結構語病既問題, 無得改.

however, we are the same as you all, we have not receive information on the launching date of the iPhone 3G in Hong Kong as well the distribution channel in HK.

"however" 又係要用大草, 佢又前面整個 comma, 跟住又用細草.

"we have not receive information" 又係小學三年班既文法, 應該用 "we did not receive information"

其實咁都錯, "did not receive" 就即係無啦, 咁應該係 "we did not recieve any information".

"on the launching date of the iPhone 3G in Hong Kong as well the distribution channel in HK."

on 乜鬼? 應該係 receive any information about 呀!

至於 "as well the distribution channel in HK." , "as well" 我真係唔知佢想講乜, 如你知就話俾我聽啦! 我估佢係咪想用 "as well as" 呀, 意思都解得通既.

"It purpose is to let our members to leave down the contacts, and their desired model so that we can understand them and serve them better."

"It purpose" 係咪應該轉為 "It's purpose"?

"and" 前面唔使加 comma, 我從來唔會在連接詞之間加 comma 既.

其實呢句都唔係好通, 叫你訂購其實係要攞你電話同埋你鐘意既 model? 但到最後又無得訂購?

"We wish this will not mis-lead all users on DG Being a reseller on iPhone 3G."

個 "Being" 都唔知佢用黎做乜? 又要大草, 咁樣會巴閉D? 真係好港式英文.

全句改為:

"We wish this would not mislead all users that DG is a reseller of iPhone 3G"

係咪會好D?

我會將 will 改為 would, 因為時代已經唔同, 現代人講英文, 寫英文多數用 would.

"Although Apple announced it will be available in Hong Kong on 11/Jul/2008. Pricing and buying details are not being announced yet."

Pricing 又用乜大草? Although 後面梗係加 comma, 然後用細草啦!

"are not being announced yet" 呢舊我可以用屎來形容.

係咪想用 "have not been announced yet" 呀? 我覺得佢應該係想講 "還未公佈".

"So stay tune on this page, "

呢句又係無厘頭, 我真係唔明點樣 "stay tune on this page".

我覺得佢真係應該立即收起呢篇文, 我諗如果佢老闆有個仔, 讀緊小六而成績係中等既話, 應該都可以幫佢改好哂呢篇文.

其實係咪而家既英文程度真係差左呢? 呢D唔關乎文章深度既問題, 係基本文法同表達能力既問題, 所以雖然有好多人支持火星文, 我就覺得咁樣害左班學生.

講番呢單野, 我登記時佢地既意思真係有得訂購, 而唔係了解你既喜好喎, 佢呢次真係誤導得好緊要!

(後記:我睇睇下,呢篇文簡直可以用垃圾去形容,想改都無得改,我覺得佢應該重頭搵人再寫過。)

 

 

 

 


 

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