高學歷高職位女生要思考的男女感情事

​女生高學歷高職位必然不是主要等價交換

​很喜歡這類型的題材,這是甚麼題材?就是有不少人有一個想法,而這個想法必然是錯誤的,我則用邏輯及常識去表達我的看法,而我也期望這類型的女生給我回覆,告訴我她們的想法,而這個想法當然也是邏輯的。

我寫這類型的題材,無論如何對大家都有好處,因為只有兩個結果:

1. 我是錯的,而所有高學歷高職位女生來信指正我,讓我可以學多一樣東西。

2. 我的說法是對的,因而幫助了很多有這種錯誤想法的人,馬上改正過來,運勢馬上變好,我可以幫到大家。

無論是以上那一種,都是有好處的。

當然,我錯的機會是零,因為我的理論,我說的東西,全部都是根據無數事實而得出來的一個結論;但當然,如果真的有錯,我也可以希望聽到論點,這樣我才會有進步。

但至今,我沒有收過一個有關高學歷高職位會有好條件男人的當事人任何回覆。

這從中可以解了碼。

至於解了甚麼碼,就留待大家去猜想了。

今天反而收到另外一位網友分享,她告訴我支持我的看法,而且還分享了一些她實際上看到的事情。

來信是英文,我就不將它翻譯成中文了,更能原汁原味。

讀者來信

Hi Master,

I have just listened to your podcast last weekend and I have a few thoughts I would like to share. 

(龍師傅註:好呀,多謝你的讚賞,我也常鼓勵大家去分享的,因為分享才會有進步,謝謝!)

First, having high education doesn’t make everyone in this category superior in terms of finding the ‘right guy’.

(龍師傅註:對,在客觀事實而言兩者並無直接關係,一想就明;除非自己是以金錢作為男女關係的等價交換,而這樣則可以目標定在小費男及黑心男,但也要看看自己的性格,所以我想到現在還不明白,為甚麼會有這麼多女生會有這種想法,而自己則不停對號入座,現實不停以自己不能預期的情況發生,然後不停扮奇怪。)

It really depends on a lot of other things like personality, looks, communication skills, etc.

(龍師傅註:對,這些就是等價交換,即我常說的外表,身材,溫柔,體貼,照顧,細心。)

I have a friend who is a medical specialist but have never had a relationship (now she is 40).

She is not ugly but she has shocking interpersonal skills properly due to her upbringing by her parents.

It is sad. She said at her age she is not looking for single guys as if guys at this age and they are still single there must be something wrong with him (what about her?!).

So now she is waiting for people to get divorced and wait to meet divorcée. She is so abnormal and no wonder why she is still single​。

(龍師傅註:她也有她的道理,一個男人去到四十多還沒有女朋友必然是有問題,有可能性格,有可能經濟,之類,但也不用一開始時就定在「一定要對方離婚」才交往,自己看。)

Second,  having high education may be a negative to meet the ‘right guy’.

(龍師傅註:絕對是,往事實想,自己高學歷高職位,難道和茶餐廳服務員拍拖嗎?必然對自己對象有期望,在絕對客觀的機率下,選擇自然少了很多。

當然,少不等於沒有,這時又去到自己的外表,身材,性格了;所以,最終還是要看那個人的品,性格,行為,外表怎麼樣。)

I am a medical specialist as well. When I was in medical school my friend introduced me to some of her friends.

(龍師傅註:藥劑師也當然可以有好姻緣,我有不少客人是藥劑師,男朋友換了一個又一個,為甚麼?是因為她是專業人仕嗎?當然不是,而是她身材好,外表吸引,懂說話,有趣,很多身體語言吸引男方再進一步,只是這些和她的工作或學歷全然無關,全然無關,全然無關。

再用腦袋去想想吧,一個男人,喜歡一個女人,他為甚麼喜歡她?答案是「因為她有很高學歷」嗎?我就未聽過了,而我不是小朋友,我看了這麼多人,有這麼多朋友,我未聽過我有朋友,客人,因為女方是「高學歷」而自己迷倒了女方的」。

這些大概只是女方自己有高學歷,好職業而覺得這是主要等價交換條件而自己想出來的東西而已。)

Initially the guys seems quite interested to talk to me but when they asked what I studied they all took a step back, yes, virtually physically took a step back (we were standing when we talked).

(龍師傅註:也是正常的,因為男人會向「你很麻煩」,「你有很多要求」,「你不容易追」而卻步的。

只是我很奇怪,為甚麼早前的來信的女生會覺得因為她有頂尖學歷而會有比她更好的男人追求而有機會;只看事實。

而事實沒有腦海之中又錯覺地覺得「緣份未到」這種似乎合理的解釋去開脫自己。

我覺得前文章所提及的女生要好好想一下,結實地在外表及性格上下功夫。

當然,也有可能自己覺得是 blue blood 而不屑去做這些,也是另外一個問題。

也當然,她的感情人生並不需要對誰負責任的,自己要想。)

Then the conversation ended. I find a lot of guys are put off with getting to know high education girls.

(龍師傅註:會的,這只是正常心理學而已,女生受了很多教育,會否代表她認識很多東西,在思想上未必要靠男方意見或方向,而不能滿足男方英雄主義。

很簡單,一個小學畢業的女生,你和她去街,你幫她叫 Uber 她有可能已經覺得你很了不起了,因為她自己也不懂用,也未坐過。

相反,自己有經濟條件,你駕車送她回家,她還嫌你那部歐洲車過時而覺得你不好。

這些很簡單的理論其實一想就明的。)

I myself didn’t have a relationship until 27. Study and work was overwhelming. I remember when I was intern I had to work 21 days without a day off.

(龍師傅註:工作忙,專注了學業或事實也有機會延遲了感情的開始。)

Anyone outside the medical field might not understand. So everyday is work sleep then more work. Night shifts are even worse, there is no personal life. 7 days on 7 days off 13 hours shift and sleep during the day. However, I did met my current partner during night shift and we have been together for 13 years.

(龍師傅註:這就有很安定的感情,很好。)

That’s come to my next point. Even with high education, the chance of meeting the ‘right guy’ depends on where you work and the type of people you are exposed to.

For example a doctor working in the hospital can meet people from other medical fields.

The nature of junior doctors rosters are usually a change in department every 3 months.

So we get to meet a lot of new people. A lot of my colleagues although are married to other doctors, but many are married to nurses, physiotherapist, pharmacist etc.

(龍師傅註:說得很好,這是自己的工作環境及生活圈子問題。)

Where as if you run a private clinic and all you see every day are your patients and your receptionist the chance of meeting the right person will be less. It’s not ethical to date patients so patient are out.  

(龍師傅註:一定是,只靠工作環境去認識對象是不足夠的。)

So in summary, having high education itself does not make you stand out from the crowd. There are other very important qualities one show consider having to find the ‘right guy’. 

(龍師傅註:一搥定音,高學歷高職位只是你自己的條件,並不是男女感情的主要等價交換條件,我說得很清楚,而所有事實也指向此。)

I would like to hear what you think, Master. Sorry email is a bit long. 

(龍師傅註:好呀,我樂意分享,這篇來信很好。

我繼續期望高學歷高職位女生來信告訴我如何靠自己高學歷高職位來在男女感情方面有主要的等價交換;我唯一想到的只是交小費男及黑心男;即使如此,自己也要有外表,身材,溫柔,體貼,照顧,細心,同理心,人情細故。)

​好好想一想男女等價交換的條件

​很多時候人會迷惑,當自己有那個條件時,因為想以那個條件作為等價交換,於是就對號入座了,漠視了事實,而主觀地覺得自己所有的,值得別人欣賞;可是在現實世界當中必然不是這樣子的。

"

​凡事都要往實際處去想,別一味只是自己的主觀性去評斷事情,看看發生了甚麼事,我們再由那些事情去看真相。


​龍震天 ​玄學家 / 作家


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